I Knew It and I Believed It Will Be True, FOREVER.<3

Tuesday, July 21, 2009
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i simply cant let go .
all those unhappiness that i've felt over these few days simply weigh my heart down .
it was like trapping in a maze, struggling to get out .
i'm exhausted .
my heart feels the weight everytime i have to do this .
no, its not a choice i can make .
its like the feelings and emotions i've been suppressing suddenly burst out in a great smoke .
everything seems pretty fine out there .
but the moment i return to my ultimate destination, everything comes back to a square one .
i do not like it .
neither do i like doing it .
everything inside me just go wrong .
very wrong .
i just lose the ability to control this monster, allowing it to create havoc .
however, no help and support was given to aid me in subduing this complicated and ferocious monster .
so, it just get worse .
perhaps .
this monster feels insecure and disheartened .
the disappointment and lack of security it felt from its victims led to its current behaviour .
to prevent this feeling from getting stronger, the only thing it can do is to terminate all possible contact with its victims and act ignorance to everything that happen .

However ...
whenever i see their aged backviews and shallow faces, my heart simply goes out to them .
whenever i dont see them, somber and negative thoughts spun in my mind, making me worried .
whenever previous memories relive in my mind, my heart just instinctively hide behind a glass wall, unconsciously building protective structures around it .
tears of anger and sadness struggle to break free .
like a little girl trapped in a closet, banging on the door, trying to get out .
it aches. to harden my heart and do it .
but there's no turning back .
things will never be the same again .
hopefully ...
something. or someone.
is willing to offer his hand to help break the ice and release the sun back to the sky again .
or the victims are willing to fork out their patience and love to touch the Earth .
only then can the monster be destroyed ...
completely .

Labels: let everything return to its original position .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
9:11 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009
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biology skill three final O-level SPA was finally over .
i should feel glad and happy ...
but now i'm feeling so uneasy and afraid .
i think i made a mistake during the SPA .
i did not mention "rate of transpiration" in my "Interpretation and Observation of Results" when i did mention it under my "Approach" .
what a STUPID mistake tat is ...
immediately fell into level 1 .
at least 1 mark gone . at least.
worst still. this matter keep lingering on my mind .
from the moment i realised my mistake til now .
that is, in the morning right 10 minutes after i handed up the paper .
GOSH !!
i checked as many times as i could just to make sure i did not make any careless mistake .
but still ... ... i'm not a match for fate .
it made me even uneasy when many people told me they did write about "rate of transpiration" .
that agitated me even more .
laugh out loud !!
i shall try to overcome it .
i need to try my best ...!
if not i cant even sleep well and do anything right .
GamBaTei !!!

hmm ...
korkor is having a high fever now .
heard him saying 38.6, if i'm in the correct mindset while he's saying that .
i'm suspecting ... ... ...
something's not right .!
lucky he does not appear any other symptoms .
hope its not what i'm thinking .
coz i'm in the same room as him now !!!
ARGH!!!
i sensed danger ... ...

for my safety ...
i think i better go out watch tv for a while .
Labels: i'm feeling stressful .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
9:45 PM

Sunday, July 12, 2009
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the third O-Level SPA is coming !!
biology first on next tuesday .
followed by chemistry on next thursday .
and finally, physics on the week after next ...
skill three is kind of frightening for me yeah .
especially biology and physics .
ARGH !!
somemore the previous two SPA are disasters for me .
think unless i get really good results for my written papers, if not i cant get an A1 for sciences .
my worries and fear are never ending ...
Labels: O-Level is a NIGHTMARE .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
12:20 PM

Monday, July 6, 2009
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thought i'll have the time and mood to blog over this weekend .
but it turned out to be otherwise .
however, i've decided to blog today .
lets pray i'll not get caught by my kor .
he do not allow me to blog in his lappy .
and so. i'm risking my life here .
too many things happened over this weekend yeah .
happy. unhappy. annoying. angry. sad ...
woah. seems quite a mixture of feelings ya .
this weekend + holiday-in-lieu passed very fast ...
haix !!

Friday:
Mm... rushed home after school .
meet up with Amanda again for our study date .
planned to watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" first with Amanda on her father's small lappy .
followed by discussing our dreams and goals .
and finally. start revising and doing our homework .
but ... ... ...
as everyone can guess ...
we did not accomplish everything, of course .
laugh out loud !!
"HP and the Goblet of Fire" only watched halfway .
and we started doing our homework and revising .
to put it in a better way, we only completed half of what we had planned .
KFC is quite a nice and cosy place for studying yeah .
but some Manjusri students are extremely noisy .
their voices can reach our eardrums clear enough even when we had our earpiece on .
somemore, my korean and japanese songs are at blasting volume.
they shout at the top of their voices if i'm not wrong .
walking alternatively to the sink .
kind of disturbing ya .
but anyway, we still enjoyed our study date .
laugh out loud !!

Saturday:
went on another study date with Rachel .
kind of forced her to accompany me to tampines to collect my clothes .
haha .
think she wont mind de .
i know her too well le .
since 16 years ago ... ...
laugh out loud !!
went all the way to kallang leisure park's KouFu for studying.
it is quite a tranquil place .
especially at the corner .
but until now i have no idea why ...
i felt like sleeping only after half an hour after i opened my chemistry textbook and Notes on Metals .
my eyelids are half closed .
studied for a while and decided to leave the place after we shopped in cold storage .
moved on to Parkway's popular .
guess what ??
i found DongBangShinKi's previous albums ...
excited !
laugh out loud !!
but they are real expensive yeah .
but no matter what, i wanted to own their "The Secret Code" .
wahaha !!
thats their first album released after they become my idols yeah .
very memorable .
and finally .
take a bus to SingPost for dinner .
asked papa to fetch us as my things are really heavy .
come to think of it ...
we seemed to complete nothing .
haix. i should have foresee this .

Sunday:
totally regret that i did not finished watching "Absolute Boyfriend" the day before .
fall asleep .
i'll have to rewatch episode 5 and 6 one of these few days .
before friday comes .
anyway. Amanda come to my house today .
we finally finished watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" .
thats quite a big accomplishment yeah .
did no homework again~~
laugh out loud !!
think for friends to really sit down and study continuously for a few long hours are really kind of impossible ya .
watched videos of Mr. Pig .
super hilarious ! haha.
searched for nice korean and japanese songs .
but to no avail ...

oh yea .
it was getting on my nerves ...
your inconsiderate. ur forcing. ur attitude ...
for that fine four days ...
i was trying my very best to stay courteous and hold on to my temper .
but you are always trying to pull out the devil in my inner soul .
anyone who encounter your attitude and treatment will unconsciously have the desires to show out the devil in them .
as someone had said, "There's always a devil living in the deepest of every souls ."
unless really under certain special situations, i think no one will ever want to show out this part of them ya .
i hope you will realise it one day that friends are not for you to summon and force .
friends can be there for you when you need them .
but they are not for you to take it for granted or use them as substitutions .
and most importantly ...
if you want others to respect you, learn to respect others first .
dont let people feel afraid or even annoyed whenever they see your name appearing on their handphones .
that will be really unkind and sad, isn't it ??
so... don let yourself end up like that alright ??
that should be the best advice i can ever give you now yeah .
dont always think friends are competing anything with you .
thats just being paranoid .
with this mindset, you will always try to prove that you did own that thing .
afraid that people wouldn't know, you will use your actions or words to do or say things just to show them somethings .
this will only disgust people .
i know you are trying to make people be jealous of you ...
but here i want to tell you that ... you are totally wrong !
people dont give a heck .
so... don be so persistent in your own way .
listen to others and you can win the hearts of your friends .
Labels: i really hope you can change for the better and not the worst .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
9:47 PM

Thursday, July 2, 2009
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BoA's "Everlasting" .
super nice ...
heard this song from DongBangShinKi's Banjun Drama "Finding Lost Time" .
find it super touching .
search high and low for this song .
coz i dont know the title of this song .
so have to try out loads of songs which i think may be the one .
realised i've been thinking too much .
the song is just what i thought it is at first .
just that i thot its not and so ... ...
i ignored my super accurate six sense .
laugh out loud !!
its really a great song ...
japanese song i guess .
coz i heard 'sayonara' in the lyrics . hehe.
okay! nights !
Labels: finally. i found it .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
11:19 PM

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first time blogging since school reopens .
today Mr Gan treated us all to mango cake .
laugh out loud !
Felicia mentioned that Mr Gan planned to throw a party today .
asked us to bring food and drinks .
i thot it was just a joke .
cant believe it turns out to be true .
as you all can guess .
i brought nothing .
haha ...
Gillian was so cute and humorous .
brought green tea and 10 plastic cups .
it was so funny when she asked me whether i wanted a drink when she only brought 10 cups .
10 cups for a party for the whole class ...
laugh out loud !!
partied during physics lesson .
last lesson of the day .
still have no idea whats the treat for . haha.

the person who ruin my mood for the day is ... ...
HSC !
everyone must be thinking about the beverage brand ya .
laugh out loud !!
she ! made me feel so super bua song today .
confiscated my e.geog homework when its HER homework .
ask me to do it all over again .
i dont care !!
i'm not going to do it until my mood turns better .
last time i still find her pathetic ...
now ??
chey !!
not anymore .
like every other couragean in my class, i super detest her now .
for real !
WeiTong also finds her ridiculous .
fancy her to confiscate her own homework .
a woman who bear grudges .
always ask WeiTong to answer questions .
must be jealous that we can sit together and chat yeah .
how can one not talk in an hour ??
we are not mute ya .
if dont want us to talk then dont ever ask us to answer her stupid questions .
coz ... WE CANNOT TALK !!
IDIOT !

brought psp to school these few days .
just wanted to show WeiTong the Banjun Drama which DongBangShinKi acted .
coz the dramas are really hilarious .
and show her how shuai they are in the show .
laugh out loud !!
but it seems to cause quite a stir yeah . haha.
YenPeng thot we watching porn .
wahaha !
almost everyone in my class come near and ask us what show we watching every now and then during recess.
oh my ! haha.
no idea how many times i repeated the answer yeah .
SiRui laugh alot when i show her the short dramas .
sometimes don even know what she laughing at . hahaha !
but Banjun dramas are really "oh my goodnessly" funny .
dont believe can ask WeiTong, SiRui and Caresse ..
they can prove that i'm not saying the dramas are super nice because i like DongBangShinKi yeah .
especially the "love to act cute" YunHo (U-Know) and the "multi expression" ChangMin (Max) .
laugh out loud !!
JaeJoong also very funny .
just that not as much as the two experts (YunHo and ChangMin) .
oh !
i just realised Hyun Joong and JaeJoong's name only differ by one word .
Kim Hyun Joong . Kim JaeJoong .
such a coincidence that i like them both .
just that i like JaeJoong more . wahaha !
and they are best friends .
same age somemore .
real COOL ! haha.

suddenly getting a bit emo .
maybe is under the influence of the song i'm listening to .
DongBangShinKi's "Bolero" .
love the song so much !!
its the song that makes me fall in love with the rest of their songs .
and also the song that makes me like them so much yeah .
this is fate ah !!
i just heard this song when i'm watching the trailor for "Dance, Subaru!" in the cinema while waiting for "Ai Dao Di" to start .
then it slowly and eventually leads to my current craziness towards them yeah .
laugh out loud !

haix. sometimes i feel that home is just a place for sleeping, eating and bathing .
something that is kept in your heart but you simply cant say out is far worse than anything else in the world .
everything seems to be against you .
perhaps. school can be a better place than home .
although studying is not that desirable . haha.
but at least, you can feel your presence when you are with friends .
phew~
treasure the last few months of being together with friends before graduation yeah .
thats the most important thing now .
YES !!
Labels: trapped in a coffin of ice which no fire can melt .

Believe in FOREVER and it will be FOREVER .

Stay Forever
6:57 PM