I'm JIAHUI .
LIBRA, thats my horoscope .
Currently STILL Sweet16, I INSIST !
turning 17 on 13OCT2010 .
2009 Chung Cheng High Main (CCHMS) Graduated Class .
Email: Jessica_Lee_Jia_Hui@msn.com.
~Pu Hui Kindergarten (1996-1998)
~Eunos Primary School (1999-2005)
~Chung Cheng High Secondary School (Main) (2006-2009)
~Temasek Junior College (2010-????)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
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i simply cant let go . all those unhappiness that i've felt over these few days simply weigh my heart down . it was like trapping in a maze, struggling to get out . i'm exhausted . my heart feels the weight everytime i have to do this . no, its not a choice i can make . its like the feelings and emotions i've been suppressing suddenly burst out in a great smoke . everything seems pretty fine out there . but the moment i return to my ultimate destination, everything comes back to a square one . i do not like it . neither do i like doing it . everything inside me just go wrong . very wrong . i just lose the ability to control this monster, allowing it to create havoc . however, no help and support was given to aid me in subduing this complicated and ferocious monster . so, it just get worse . perhaps . this monster feels insecure and disheartened . the disappointment and lack of security it felt from its victims led to its current behaviour . to prevent this feeling from getting stronger, the only thing it can do is to terminate all possible contact with its victims and act ignorance to everything that happen .
However ... whenever i see their aged backviews and shallow faces, my heart simply goes out to them . whenever i dont see them, somber and negative thoughts spun in my mind, making me worried . whenever previous memories relive in my mind, my heart just instinctively hide behind a glass wall, unconsciously building protective structures around it . tears of anger and sadness struggle to break free . like a little girl trapped in a closet, banging on the door, trying to get out . it aches. to harden my heart and do it . but there's no turning back . things will never be the same again . hopefully ... something. or someone. is willing to offer his hand to help break the ice and release the sun back to the sky again . or the victims are willing to fork out their patience and love to touch the Earth . only then can the monster be destroyed ... completely .
